The curse of being easy going

Jake and I recently finished decorating our new Airbnb in Weaverville, NC (just outside Asheville), affectionately known as Granny's Getaway.

And by "finished," I mean we've reached the stage where we've stopped buying throw pillows and started pretending I’ll live with these all-white walls everywhere… for now (more on that below):

The decorating process reminded me of a rule we had while planning our wedding many years ago:

You can only veto an idea if you have another one to offer.

Don't like hydrangeas? Great. What's your suggestion for another seasonally appropriate floral that will be in bloom and fits the budget?

Hate the venue? Wonderful. Where should we have it instead?

Think the lamp is ugly? Fantastic. Show me a better one. I DARE YOU.

This rule saved us from what can become straight up stonewalling. I think we can all agree the straight-up stonewall is terrible.

But you know what’s worse? The non-answer answer that masquerades as being go-with-the-flow, but in fact makes the process even longer, even more drawn out, and even more work for the decider who will actually decide.

It's what I call The Curse of Being Easygoing.

You know the curse.

"Where do you want to eat?"

"I don't care."

"Which paint color do you like?"

"Whatever you want."

"Which option should we choose?"

"I'm good with anything."

Now, to be fair, sometimes we genuinely don't care. But if we're going to say we don't care, we have to actually not care.

Because what we've really done is hand the entire decision-making process to the other person.

We've made them carry the mental load while we sit in the passenger seat offering occasional commentary.

It's like being the world's nicest backseat driver.

And this doesn't just happen at home.

For years, when meeting planners would ask what I spoke about, I'd respond with something along the lines of: "I can speak on anything! What would be most helpful for your audience?"

Which sounds flexible. Helpful, even.

What it actually did was force them to do my job.

Now they had to figure out the audience's needs, invent a keynote topic, design the content, and somehow communicate all of that back to me.

Meanwhile, I was reinventing the wheel for EVERY SINGLE TALK, based on what they asked for.

Eventually, I learned that being clear isn't selfish. It's helpful.

Today, if someone asks what I offer, I can tell them:

I speak on innovative leadership and communication strategies that help people be better at their jobs… and maybe their whole lives!

Within that framework, we can customize.

But I'm no longer asking clients to build the menu before ordering dinner.

The same principle applies everywhere—from marriage to meetings to managing teams.

Clarity creates comfort.

People work better together when they know who's responsible for what.

So this week, pay attention to how often you're saying, "I don't care," "whatever works," or "I'm flexible."

And if you do have a preference, a perspective, or an idea? Offer it.

You don't have to be difficult. You don't have to be demanding.

You just have to be willing to bring a dish to the potluck instead of showing up with an empty casserole carrier and a lot of opinions.

Speaking of opinions… y’all, it has taken me until exactly the end of writing this email to be tired of those plain walls. Now that you’re all trained deciders... help me with something, will you?!

Vote below on what we should do with Granny’s living room walls! 

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  Stripes
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  Wallpaper

But if you're team neither one, you know what you gotta do...

See what I did there? 😉

Until next time…

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