"The Viewing V"

We’re heading into that time of year when nerves get a little frayed... work, holidays, the culmination of looooong months full of youth sports and glances hastily over both shoulders YOUTH SPORTS PARENTS. 😬

One of the rules in our youth soccer leagues here in Charlotte is that parents have to sit at least four feet back from the sideline.

Well, one of the dads on our team… let’s call him “Chad”… likes to test that rule.

Chad is not just a parent. Based on his sideline behavior, Chad fancies himself a mix of parent, player, coach, ref, and maybe even league commissioner.

Need directions to the field? Chad has already pulled the SportYou app map up on his phone.

Not sure which uniforms the kids are wearing today? Chad arrived modeling the kit.

Question an opposing team's player eligibility? Chad is halfway to the courthouse AL. READ. Y.

And while “spectator” is technically the lowest-ranking role Chad plays, he takes even that one seriously.

I’m convinced Chad shows up an hour early to each game with a ruler to stake out his spot exactly 3’11” from the field. You guys, how ELSE will he have the perfect vantage point for challenging every ref, coach, or nine-year-old goalie who dares cross him?

One day, a foul was called on the field. It was against one of our players. Ahem... one of Chad's players. 🙄

Chad did not like the call one bit. 

Before the whistle even left the ref’s mouth, Chad leapt out of his chair and bellowed (pardon my accuracy here):

“THAT’S A BULLSHIT CALL!”

At a nine-year-old soccer game.

Now, nevermind how many times my own children had heard that sort of language at their own home. This is a story about Chad and HIS bad behavior, y'all. Anyway...

Without missing a beat, the ref whipped out a red card, pointed it squarely at Chad, and shouted:

“YOU’RE OUTTA HERE!”

Chad was stunned.

But then... after a couple huffs and puffs, he raised a hand, gave a quick nod to the ref, and said, “That’s fair." Then Chad packed up his chair, and walked right straight past all of our gaping mouths to finish watching the game from his car in the parking lot.

Here's the thing about Chad... he is kind of a jerk. But... he's our jerk. Do you know what I mean? Like... he's not my favorite, but he does mean well. He just acts poorly.

I don't know about you, but I can relate. I don't think I'm actually a jerk. But I can definitely act like one sometimes. 

But on this day, as soon as Chad moved, all of us on the sidelines realized we could actually see the game better. His chair had been at the very tip of our inverted “V” formation, blocking everyone behind him. Once he was gone, the sides moved forward, the middle relaxed back, and suddenly the view was clear.

That’s when it hit me: conversations work the same way.

Sometimes we block the view. We jump to the front, sure we’re right, talking over others — and we miss what’s actually happening. But when we step back, ask a question, and make room for others to be seen and heard, everyone’s view gets better.

That’s why I created a free resource for you below. It's a list of “Ask This, Not That”​ questions to keep dialogue open instead of shutting it down.

Print it, save it, stick it on your fridge. Use it at work, in tough conversations at home, or even when you’re tempted to yell “BULL$&*!” at a family dinner.

Meantime...

See you back here next month for another tip to help you hear and be heard, but let’s not be strangers between now and then, mmkay?

Here are some ways to connect (and get lots of free content) between now and then:

INSTAGRAM

LINKEDIN

And of course you know I’d always love to work with you and your people. If you’re ever looking for a keynote speaker or corporate training, just let me know the details here:

I WANT PAGE TO SPEAK AT AN EVENT

Thanks for being here and thanks for working at getting on the same page with the people in your life. We're all in this together!

Here’s to fewer red cards and clearer views, both on the field and off!

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